The Professor and the Madwoman
by Buffelyn
Summary: A high priestess wants her dead beau back, and who better to complicate things than O’Connell as straitlaced scholar and Evelyn as jailbird temptress. Fin :)
1. Infamous Evelyn

Title: The Professor and the Madwoman 

Tag: The ultimate role reversal ...O'Connell as straitlaced scholar, Evelyn as jailbird temptress. TM turned on its head through the alternating eyes of our mismatched lovebirds. 

Disclaimer: Me? Nope, no ownership here. Unless you count a blue ceramic camel and half a college education. Otherwise, I got nada. 

Reviews: Greeted with great enthusiasm. :):):):):) ~Buff

I had heard stories of the infamous Evelyn--usually when Jonathan was drunk--and had always come away with the impression that she was perhaps too clever for her own good. Not that I was even sure it was a "she" past Jonathan's assurances that the thing thrown at our feet was his sister. I'd pictured her as a shorter, more feminine version of my friend, except with fewer scruples (if that was possible) and more wiles (certainly possible considering that Jonathan was, after all...Jonathan). My first impression, sadly, was that I would cross the street to avoid meeting her. Made the rest of my life all the more ironic, I thought later. 

The woman on the ground was filthy, to say the least, but I suppose living in prison for a few weeks would do that to anybody. Her hair was stringy and matted and fell in her face as she looked up at us. Dirt had made her skin brown and splotchy. Her clothes were filthy, too, and torn in places. She narrowed her eyes at me, and I got the distinct impression that she would kill me if she got the chance. 

And thus began the romance. 

"Hullo, Evy," said Jonathan cheerfully, and the woman leapt at him with fists flying. 

"I'm going to kill you!" she screeched. "I'm really going to _kill_ you, Jon!"

I managed to pry them apart before Jonathan had lost too much dignity, but was forced to back away before I gagged on the stench. "God, what is that smell?"

She looked at me with wild eyes, her hands still itching to strangle her brother, I'm sure. "Terribly sorry, but the spa here is just so second-rate. They don't even let you bathe. You can imagine the complications."

"Nice to see you're in good spirits, Evy," said Jonathan, backing toward the door. "This is my dear friend Rick O'Connell. I'm just going to let you two talk for mite, all right?"

With that he flung open the door and slammed it in his wake, leaving me alone with the madwoman. "Who in Hell's name are you?" she growled, pushing some hair out her face. "Knight in shining armor of the month?"

"I'm just here to help. Jonathan dragged me here--"

"Ah, I see. Rather than facing the problem himself, dear Jon handed me off to someone else. Again." I caught a hint of disappointment in her voice, perhaps, but it was quickly covered as she narrowed her eyes at me again. "Look, buddy, I don't know what he told you about me, but--"

"He just told me that his sister was in trouble and needed help." _Maybe if I reason with the madwoman, she won't claw my eyes out. _

"That's all he told you?" She took a step toward me, and I involuntarily took one back. "He didn't mention anything about, I don't know, a particular artifact or a lost city or something?"

"Uh...no. Nope, none at all." _Good cover, Rick, good cover... Oh, what the heck. _"If you did happen to know something about a lost city, say...Hamunaptra? I sure would be interested from a scholarly point of view."

"Right. A professor? Let me guess, Oxford?"

"Ah, yes. See, my parents were quite famous archaeologists, and they--"

"Save it for another time. My parents abandoned me on the streets of Cairo at age thirteen, so I'm sure we'll have lots in common. Let's talk about the deal. You get me out of here, and Jon pays you--"

"No no no no no!" I waved my arms for effect but then stopped for fear that she might attack moving objects. "I'm not agreeing to anything unless you agree to take me to Hamunaptra."

She stepped close to me, eyes narrowed, teeth gnashing with barely contained fury. "Here's the deal, buddy. You may be interested in the scholarly aspect of the situation, but the fact is, I'm going to be dead very soon unless I get out of here. I've been kept in a separate cell for a couple of weeks now, owing to the little money Jonathan's been able to slip the warden. But it seems that the esteemed gentleman has lost his patience and decided to throw me into the main cells. Now, generally I can take care of myself, but unarmed against a few hundred men who haven't seen a woman in a few years, I don't give myself much of a chance. I'll be dead within a day... And that's if I'm lucky."

"I'd say you're not really in a bargaining position, then."

"Oh, I can bargain. I'm sure we could come to...arrangements." Her eyes flicked up and down me, and although I appreciated her attention, the stench made it difficult to imagine her in any more agreeable situation. 

"I'm sure if you cleaned up a bit, I might reconsider, but owing to the circumstances I'm sure it's best if we keep a business relationship."

She grinned, teeth startlingly white against the dirt. "What a relief."

I thought about replying, but stopped myself. _Wait a minute--am I insulted that the madwoman does not, after all, find me attractive?_ I changed the subject, quickly. "Here's the deal. I get you out, you get me to and from Hamunaptra, and we call it even."

I held out my hand, too late realizing that hers was probably germ-ridden, but it was too late to politely retract the offer of a handshake. She eyed me for a moment, then took my hand, her own small one surprisingly strong. "Deal." She hesitated for a moment, then stood on tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine before I could react. 

I don't really remember anything about the kiss. For reasons that would only become clear later, when I was well on my way to falling for her, the memory is sort of a blur, a mere moment of lost time that was over in a flash. 

After about the ten seconds of silence I could finally form words. "I thought we agreed--"

"Don't get your hopes up, buddy." She laughed, and I got the feeling that I had made a very big mistake in agreeing to let the madwoman lead me through the desert. "That one was just for fun."


	2. Kissing Strange Men

I didn't normally make it a practice to kiss strange men, especially ones who are associates of Jonathan. Some men, however, are just far too easy to tease. This guy wasn't exactly easy to read, either. A brain, apparently, famous parents, top-notch education, bright future...on the other hand, he hung around with Jonathan (whose word he took all too often, it seemed), had no fashion sense, and apparently had the ability (and, perhaps, the funds) to convince the warden to release a prisoner scheduled for certain death. He had the potential to be handsome, too, if not for the stiff clothing and prim little spectacles that hid perfectly good blue eyes. He wasn't a bad kisser, either, but that was a fact I very eager to forget at the time. 

The moment we stepped from the prison grounds and into the sweet clean air, Rich-Boy began interrogating me again. "So why exactly were you at Hamunaptra? How far away is it? Did you pick up any artifacts? Did you happen to notice if--"

"Slow down, buddy. Let me enjoy my freedom for a minute." I slung my arm around Jonathan and began dragging him down the street. "Isn't it fantastic to be alive, Jon?"

He looked dubious as to this fact, but agreed all the same. "Certainly, old mum. Now, why don't we just go get you cleaned up a bit, hmm?"

"You're no fun." By this time we were nearly down the street, so I let out a joyous yell and threw my arms into the air. "I'm alive! You're alive, we're alive!"

It was then that I caught sight of Jon's friend, whose disapproving stare threw a bit of shadow over my happiness. "Ms. Carnahan, I think it best that we work out the arrangements for the expedition. Can you be...presentable, by tomorrow morning?"

Something in his disparaging tone pissed me off to no end. "I think you'll find, buddy, that the conditions in the desert will quickly quash any standards of appearance that you feel our little party must uphold. And I so enjoyed the rotting-in-prison look, I was thinking of keeping my hair like this, just for you..."

He rolled his eyes at me, not bothering to hide his impatience. "I can tell this trip is going to be fun. Look, I've got tickets on hold for a boat named the Sudan that leaves at ten o'clock tomorrow morning from Giza Port. Can I assume that you will be there?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Now, Jon, I need to get cleaned up so I can meet O'Connell's standards. Might I nip a little cash from you? I'll pay you back."

"Don't bother." Jon reached into his wallet and handed me several crisp new bills. I didn't ask where he got the money, because usually I really don't want to know. "Just take a bath, Evy, please."

I kissed him on the cheek to annoy him and pocketed the bills. "I promise. Where are you staying?"

"The Oasis, on tenth. I reserved a room for you on the off chance that O'Connell actually succeeded in getting you out." He handed me a key, upon which was engraved the number 214. "We're going to stock up on the necessary supplies. I'll check up on you tonight. Don't go running off."

"I would never."

"You would always." Jonathan grimaced and glanced at O'Connell, lowering his voice. "Listen, Rick went out on a limb for us. You came this close, Evy, this close. All those stories about Hamunaptra had better damn well be true, or we could be in deep trouble."

"Dear brother," I said, "don't you worry about a thing. Oh, and do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Stock up on firearms while you're out. A few knives wouldn't be a bad idea. And see if Mr. Stone kept dad's old shotgun. I like that one."

Jonathan looked very dismal for a moment, then sighed in resignation and nodded at O'Connell. "Let's leave Evy to it, Rick. We've got a lot to do before tomorrow."

"Firearms?" O'Connell looked a bit stricken, and I knew he was wondering what the hell he'd gotten himself into. "Is that really necessary?"

I held back a smile, rather enjoying his squirming. "More so than you could imagine, buddy. You'd better prepare yourself."

With that I turned and left the men to their shopping, setting out on some of my own. Though I received more than one strange look in my present state, I managed to buy some clothing in my size without the clerks dying from the lingering stench of prison life. The concierge at the Oasis gave me quite a time, too, though he knew Jonathan and therefore cut me a little slack. 

As soon as I saw myself in the mirror, I understood why O'Connell had been so taken aback with my advances, feigned as they might have been. I took an extra-long bath and was mostly successful in scrubbing off the grime that had accumulated during my short state in prison. I tried on the clothes I'd bought and they fit perfectly. The shirt might have been a little low, but a bit of flair never hurt anybody. My hair, though drier than a haystack, was no longer an absolute muck. While I was at it, I decided a trim wouldn't hurt either. Split ends taken care of, on a whim I called down to get some cosmetics sent for. Maybe a little eyeliner, some foundation, perhaps a splash of perfume. Just because I wouldn't be able to keep up appearances in the desert, I thought, didn't mean I couldn't look nice on day one. 

The thought that followed, something along the lines that this would certainly show O'Connell, shocked me very much. 

What the hell did I care what O'Connell thought of me? I certainly cared nothing for him. He wasn't my type at all. He clearly didn't know how to live, instead choosing to hide behind books and scholastics as a substitute for people. Probably had no social skills at all, in fact. Didn't know how to dress. We'd go to Hamunaptra, dig around a bit, and get out of there as soon as possible. Two or three weeks tops, and I'd never have to see him again. He was also too tall for me. Yep. 

Definitely too tall for me. 

~*~*~*~

More? :)


	3. The Debatable Facts

Thanks to all my lovely readers! :) I've got an idea about Ardeth....we'll see. And I decided Rick's Irish. :) Have fun, love y'all :):):)

~*~*~*~

We hadn't even stepped on the boat yet, and already I had a very bad feeling about this trip. Following Jonathan and the madwoman around the desert was a bad, bad idea, but I couldn't bring myself to call it off. Imagine the opportunity... Come on, it was Hamunaptra! I would have given everything I owned and auctioned off my right arm to get the chance to go to Hamunaptra. 

Of course, this all hinged on the debatable fact that Evelyn Carnahan was telling the truth. I surely was not looking forward to spending time with her, even if she did hold the key to the greatest archaeological discovery of our time. Her personality was lacking in a certain restraint, to say the least. I could only imagine the kind of a life she'd led. No morals, ethics, or general principles were apparent. I had a feeling she wasn't going to tell me, ever, what she'd done to land herself in prison. Frankly, I really, really didn't want to know. 

"Morning, old chap!" called Jonathan across some distance. It took me a minute to make my way to him, for the docks were crowded with all manner of people carrying all manner of baggage. Jonathan himself was sitting on an upturned lifeboat near the ramp next to some woman. 

It struck me first that she was beautiful. Second, that she was Evelyn Carnahan. Even then, it took me a minute to process the sight. She'd washed her hair (thank the Lord) and it was actually a very handsome, frizzy brown color, tied back but breaking free wherever it could. It suited her. She also suddenly had green eyes. How had I failed to notice yesterday that she had green eyes? 

"Hallo," she said, and there was no trace of the audacious prisoner of yesterday. She even sounded a little shy. "We didn't exactly meet yesterday. Sorry about my behavior."

"Right." I cleared my throat, my speech suddenly sounding a little funny in my ears. "No problem."

"And I'm very sorry for threatening you, and..." She looked to Jonathan. "And what was the other one?"

Her brother rolled his eyes, getting to his feet. "Honestly, Evy, you had the whole thing in down in the car. You're sorry you kiss--"

"Yeah, that." She veritably leapt to her feet and swept up her and Jonathan's luggage. "Plenty of time for niceties later. We have to board."

I cleared my throat loudly. "Just a minute, Miss Carnahan. If this is just some sort of wild-goose chase, you'd better call it off right now, because--"

"Whoa, buddy." She stepped closer to me, nearly in my face. For such a small thing she was surprisingly intimidating. "Listen up. I don't know what you think you're getting into, but all I found out there was sand and blood. Good luck with finding anything else."

She left without another word, and she'd been gone awhile before Jonathan attempted conversation with me. "Forget it," he said, steering me toward the boat. "She likes to tease, but she's a heartbreaker. Far too good for you, my friend."

_Ha ha. Funny. _"Thanks. I feel so much better."

Jonathan shrugged, as if he was surprised that his infinite wisdom was not, in fact, just what I needed. We managed to board and get settled without too much trouble from his sister the madwoman, and it was night before I saw her again. Or more appropriately, before she saw me, and interrupted a perfectly fascinating text on the accomplishments of the Bembridge Scholars.

"Mesmerizing stuff, eh?" she said, plopping down in the chair across from me as if she intended to stay. 

"I'm sure it's trite compared to what you've seen, Ms. Carnahan. Now... if you don't mind, I'd like to hear some of those stories. I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into."

She contemplated me for a minute, as if deciding whether I could handle the horror that was undoubtedly her life. "All right, buddy. You asked for it."

"Why don't you start with how you came to be at Hamunaptra in the first place?"

"How about I start wherever I feel like starting?"

_How about I throw you overboard? _"Just talk, Ms. Carnahan."

She settled back, still eyeing me with caution. "An old boyfriend of mine--"

_Stab. _"Your, uh, boyfriend?"

"Are you going to let me talk or what?"

"Go on."

"At the time I met this guy, he was getting a reputation for telling these fantastic stories about Hamunaptra, but never substantiating them. So eventually I...convinced him to prove it, and we took a little trip to Hamunaptra."

"'_Convinced_' him?"

"Shut up. Long story short, he left me there to rot, but I got back on my own. _With_ this." She reached inside her sweater and pulled out a small hexagonal box. "It had a map inside, but I don't need it to find the place. What you need, though..." She fiddled with the box for a moment, and it snapped open into a star shape. "...is this."

I took the box from her, heart hammering. An actual real-life artifact from Hamunaptra! Maybe this expedition wasn't such a bad idea, after all. "Where did you find it?"

She shrugged. Clearly she did not have the mind of an archaeologist. "In the sand. I tripped on it, actually. Like it was just waiting there for me to find it. What do you think it means?"

My mind was flooded with images of ancient tombs and fantastic treasures, though that is of course not what I'm here for. It's _not_. "It looks like...a key of some sort."

She looked quite skeptical. "You know buddy, they lock things for a reason. Maybe I shouldn't have given that to you."

I don't even look up from the key. What does she know? "Maybe you should just lead us there and not worry about the details."

"Maybe I should just take my key, then," she spits right back. 

Oh, please. "Maybe I shouldn't have gotten you out of prison."

"Maybe I should have ditched this damn expedition in the first place."

"Maybe you shouldn't have kissed me." 

What I said doesn't even register in my mind before it does in hers, and she stands, snatches the key from my hand and stomps off loudly. 

Why on earth did I say _that_?


	4. That Blasted Man

I love you all! Thank you! Enjoy! 

~*~*~*~

_Men!!!_

I could tell that if I did end up knowing that blasted man for any length of time he would _never_ let me forget that damn kiss. Why, oh why did I kiss him? I couldn't even answer for my own stupid actions! Imagine what _he_ must have been thinking!

No. I wasn't going to deal with the implications of _that_ just then. I had more important things to worry about. When the boat you happen to be traveling on is attacked by desert bandits and set on fire, relationship issues tend to be pushed to the background. 

Not that I was thinking about _relationships_. No, sir. 

I wasn't going to bother looking for Jonathan; my brother had a nose for danger that had kept him out of many a dire situation. It was O'Connell that I was more worried about. No, it wasn't what you're thinking. He was, after all, the sponsor of the expedition, and had all the money. Plus he was a bit of a pansy. I wasn't sure he could take care of himself. I figured those professor-types who spent all day cooped up in libraries with nobody but dust mites for company probably wouldn't be up to par in dealing with attacks such as these. O'Connell might need help. 

As it was, I was just in time to see O'Connell shove my brother over a railing. Perhaps the man could be put to some use, after all. He then took a step, slipped on a patch of water, and fell overboard himself. Honestly, the guy had no coordination at all. I leapt over the side after them, handy rucksack of guns in tow. The cold water shocked my senses for a frozen moment before I surfaced and spotted the shore through watery eyes. I ducked underneath again and swam as hard as I could for land. Once my knees hit sand I collapsed, barely noting that O'Connell and Jon had beat me there. 

"What the Hell was that?" sputtered Jonathan, shaking out his jacket. "Can you believe the nerve? These clothes are brand new--"

"Clothes?" interrupted O'Connell. "You're thinking about _clothes_ at a time like this? What about our supplies??"

I finally actually looked at O'Connell and realized that he was apparently not at all interested in clothes after all. In the fray on the boat he seemed to have forgotten his shirt. 

Jesus. Who knew professors could have such great abs after all?

"Evelyn?" he said, offering a hand. I was still on the ground. Durr. "Are you okay?"

I got up without his assistance and shook out my hair. "Never been better. I assume you boys are in one piece?"

"Perfect," said O'Connell, very softly. If he would just stop staring at me--

"Eeeeeeeeeevvvvyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!" I heard from across the river. "Eeeeeevvvvvvyyyyy!!!!" It was an annoying little nasally voice that almost sounded like...

"You're alive!" the man across the river called, and I finally located him. He was wearing a little red cap and screaming his head off. "I thought I'd never see you again!!"

"Beni, you bastard!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "What the Hell are you doing here?"

"I'm so glad you're alive, Evy, I--"

"You left me to die in the desert, you asshole!"

O'Connell tapped me on the shoulder. "Uh, who is that?"

I ignored him and kept yelling at the little rat across the river. "You really expect me to believe you after what you did to me? Rot in Hell, you--"

"Evelyn!" O'Connell looked positively scandalized. "Would you please tell me what is going on?!"

I glared at him, staring fixedly at his face in order to avoid staring at the rest of him. "Meet Beni Gabor. He's the one across the way that looks like a drowned rat."

He doesn't look. Those stupid blue eyes stay locked on mine. "And why are we yelling at him?"

"Don't take that tone with me, buddy!" I yanked open the rucksack and pulled a gun out. Unusable for the moment. "Damn it! I swear to God that if I could, I'd shoot the _both_ of you!" I turned my attention across the river again, where Beni appeared to be organizing his little team of marauders. "You'd better get far, far away from here, Gabor, 'cause when I catch up with you--"

"Wait a minute," said O'Connell. "_He's_ your ex-boyfriend? He's the one who took you to Hamunaptra?"

"Jealous, darling?" I batted my eyes at him and did a little half-twirl as I walked past him. "Why, don't fight over little ol' me, I wouldn't want you to hurt each other." 

"I could take him," I heard O'Connell mutter. I stifled my laughter until he was out of earshot, not willing to give him the satisfaction. At least the man is funny...

Or maybe he wasn't joking at all. 

~*~*~*~

review...please... :)


	5. In a Sunset

of course i'm continuing all the way to the end...hee hee:) yes, ardeth is coming eventually... and nope, i'm still not out of school, i just had a bunch of chapters stored up... merci everyone, and have a lovely day :):):)

~*~*~*~

It seems to be inherent in the female half of our species that in a sunset, any woman looks beautiful. 

She, however, was ravishing. 

Dazzling, lovely, exquisite...I'd spent the last hour coming up with adjectives. It was no use. I could no longer fight the fact that she was beautiful. I couldn't deny that I wasn't attracted to her. I couldn't say the idea of sweeping her into my arms didn't hold some appeal. 

Okay, a lot of appeal. 

Unfortunately for my fantasy life, she hated me. I was sure of it. Of course she did. I was not her type at all. Come to think of it she didn't exactly fit the bill in terms of my perfect woman, but my idea of the perfect woman had changed a lot in the past few days. 

We'd been on those camels for what seemed like weeks, though it had only really been, I don't know, 12 hours or so. I didn't know how Evelyn could stand it. She seemed perfectly comfortable atop the bloody beast, while her brother complained constantly. If I hadn't been so worried about impressing her, I would have been complaining just as much, but as it was, I kept silent. Jonathan had fallen asleep by then, but Evelyn was still wide awake, studying the landscape intently. It gave me an opportunity to study her, as well. 

"Beautiful," she said, turning toward me. 

_A mind-reader, too?_ "Uh, what?"

"The sunset. Beautiful." She gestured toward the sky. "I like the night, though. Dark, lonely, dangerous... Much more interesting than the daytime."

_Dark, lonely, dangerous? The night, or, your ideal man?_ "Have you spent a lot of time out here?" 

"Enough. And you? I'd imagine you're an old pro at this, with the archaeology and all."

So much for impressing Evelyn. "Uh...not...really. I mean, yeah, when I was a kid, and all... I was in school for a long time, so--"  
"I get it," she interrupted. Rather than teasing me, however, she smiled. "Nothing wrong with pursuing a dream."

"So...what's your dream?"

She looked as though nobody had ever asked her this before. "My dream? You mean, for my life?"

"Yeah. What have you always wanted? Where do you want to be when you're eighty?"

"I probably won't be alive that long."

All righty. Good to know. Low self-esteem issues, perhaps? "Okay, then, in ten years. That's time enough to accomplish a few things."

She shifted uncomfortably in the saddle. "I don't know, I don't have any...plans. I guess..." She seemed to remember I was there, and shook her head. "No, it's stupid."

"Tell me."

"I guess...I always thought I'd have a family, you know?" She nods toward her brother. "I mean, I've got Jonathan, but even you probably see him more than I do. I guess I always figured I wouldn't be like my parents, you know? I thought I could make my life work. I thought I could be..." Her voice faded. "You know, happy."

We sat in silence for a minute, but I couldn't let this opportunity go by. "Aren't you...happy?"

She looked at me, and under the moonlight her eyes glowed. "At this moment. But who knows about tomorrow? Or the next day? Hell, in an alternative reality I'd be dead already if not for you, so I should count myself lucky, right?"

I could have told her that I sure felt lucky, alone in the dangerous night with her, but I didn't. I'm not sure where it would have gotten me. "Right," I simply said, and we fell into silence again as we rode further into the night. 

~*~*~*~

rsvp:)


	6. Before All This

This one is dedicated to PZB--I added a certain conversation about Beni's children just for you... :)

Before all this, I had been unaware that dead people could produce such excitement. He acted as though we'd found the Holy Grail or something. It was only a sarcophagus, after all. We hadn't even opened it yet, and Rich-Boy had lost his fancy tools on the boat, but he seemed to be doing fine with the tool kit he'd happened upon outside. 

Okay, so I placed it there for O'Connell to find. 

And yes, I may have lifted them off of some guy in Beni's team. 

I think Rick was pretending he didn't know. I've never asked him, but I know he knew. I told myself I was just being nice. I told myself the expedition wouldn't very well get anywhere if our lead archaeologist didn't have anything to dig with. I told myself not to think about O'Connell shirtless. 

Anyway, apparently our sarcophagus was not enough to cause Beni's team to quake in their boots, as they were too enamored of their golden jars to care. Really, O'Connell told me, theirs wasn't that spectacular of a find. 

"All they are is jars with dried up guts in them," he informed me as we sat alone at the campfire that night. Jonathan was snoring nearby, clutching the liquor he'd stolen from Beni's camp earlier in the day. Not that Jonathan had been the only one drinking--O'Connell had consumed a fair amount as well, which may have been adding to the amount of rambling he was doing. Who could blame him, after all? When your camp is attacked by scary men with guns and horses who seem to have no other vendetta but to rid the earth of archaeologists, even my timid Rick had taken his turn with the liquor bottle. 

"The real find is the body," he continued. "That is, of course, if we can get the sarcophagus open. It won't mean much if we can't figure out who it is, though. Can you imagine? He can't be royalty, it's not fancy enough. Maybe a priest, or someone associated with Anubis..." 

Two days ago, I would have fallen asleep in the midst of this conversation. I took it as a bad sign that the mere sound of his voice (God, the _accent_) made any subject the most interesting on the planet. "Anubis?" I asked, unable to stop myself. "What did he do?"

"He's the jackal-headed guy on the statue, the god of the dead. He--"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Evy Carnahan....."

Eeaarggh! It was the damned weasel-man, Beni Gabor. He came sidling up to our campfire as if he intended to greet old friends. "It's been so long, Evy."

"Do you have a death wish or something?" I snarled, drawing a gun. "You're really asking for it."

"Think of my children!" he shrieked. 

Oh, please. "You don't have any children!"

"Someday I might," he pouted. "Evy, would you consider having my children?"

"Get the hell away from here, Gabor," I said, sitting back down. "Before I set O'Connell on you."

Beni stiffened, sizing O'Connell up. Rich-Boy may be a straight-laced scholarly type, but six feet two inches and two hundred fifty pounds would give anybody pause. "Er...hello. Who's your friend?"

"_This_ is Mr. O'Connell," I said. "Mr. O'Connell, Mr. Gabor."

O'Connell didn't say anything. The daggers his eyes shot at Beni would have taken down an army. Beni was still not scared enough to stop talking, however. "Er...O'Connell, huh? Er...are you two...er..."

"Go away," said Rick, and Beni ran like a bat out of hell. Wait a minute. When the hell did I start calling him Rick?

"Wow," I teased him, shaking it off. "You can sure lay on the intimidation if you want to."

He looked embarrassed. "Somehow I think intimidating Beni Gabor is no great accomplishment."

I tried to stifle my laughter, but more and more I just couldn't help myself--I was turning into an absolute mess. "You're quite difficult to figure out, you know. You look like you could be tough, but the moment you start spouting off about Egypt, your entire persona changes."

Now he looked mildly insulted. "I can take care of myself," he sniffed. 

"I didn't say you couldn't."

"What is it with women, huh?" He grabbed the bottle from my sleeping brother's grasp and took another swig. "Oxford isn't enough for you, now you're demanding we be cavemen as well?"

"You really wouldn't notice if I wasn't here, would you?" I gently took the bottle from him. Enough for one night, buddy. "You could just talk to yourself all night and no one would have to reply."

"No," he said. "I like that you listen to me. Not many people do."

I fought the blood rushing to my cheeks and tried to ask a coherent question. "Why not?"

He shrugged. "Guess I'm not that interesting."

"No, you're terribly interesting." And handsome. And rich. And intelligent. Why was I fighting it? "Maybe all you need is one person to listen to you. Maybe that's all it takes."

He didn't say anything. Every detail of the moment seemed to file itself in my brain in succession, one by one. He was so close, too close, close enough to touch, to kiss. His eyes wouldn't leave mine, he still wouldn't say anything. What was it about those eyes of his that made me want to leap out of my skin? I couldn't stand his stare, and at the same time I wished he'd never look away. I realized, slowly, that he was going to kiss me, that I was going to kiss him, and the knowledge filled me with such happiness that I didn't think to question it. Sure he was drunk, but I wanted the moment so badly I was willing to push that fact aside. "I'm going to kiss you, Ms. Carnahan," he said. "Is that all right?"

I don't know how I was able to speak. "Only if you call me Evelyn from now on."

He smiled, and my heartbeat nearly tripled. "Deal, Evelyn," he whispered and he was going to kiss me he was going to kiss me Rick O'Connell was going to kiss me and--

He suddenly lurched back. "Oh, God. I think I..."

"What? What's wrong?"

"I think I'm going to be sick," he said, and ran. 

............Well. 

Apparently moonlight and romance were not all they had cracked up to be. 

~*~*~*~


	7. Not My Best Day

Merci to all :)

~*~*~*~

I had never been more embarrassed in my life. 

And then I woke up a mummy. 

No, not my best day. Or night. Week, really. I was definitely on a roll. I fell for a beautiful woman who would never in a million years like me, nearly kissed her, then vomited instead. 

But it gets better. 

She didn't say a word about it. 

I still can't decide why. At first I thought perhaps she was pretending I didn't remember what had happened. Then I was sure she thought I was trying to avoid embarrassment by not mentioning it. In any case, she was extremely kind not to bring it up. We went about the day's business (our only find the rather gooey mummy in the sarcophagus) barely saying a word to each other, though I caught something like disappointment in her face whenever I did speak to her. Maybe I was just imagining that part. 

Night had fallen again, and our attackers had not yet returned. I wasn't sure exactly what we were planning to do if they did, but Evelyn had just hushed me when I'd asked, so I assumed she had some sort of plan. Whatever it was, I wasn't about to put her in any danger--her reckless side was rather rampant, and although I trusted her completely with my life, I wasn't too confident in her planning abilities. What was she going to do, saunter out into the fighting, shake her hips and ask sweetly if the men would restrain from killing us? 

No, who was I kidding? The woman had enough ammunition to supply a small army, and clearly was a better shot than I would ever, ever be. She was going to defend the camp. What else was there to do? Evelyn was different than any other girl on the planet, I was sure. She had somehow put herself at the head of our entire party, because she was the most competent, but also because she had that spark in her that people listened to, followed blindly. I was no exception, but somehow I knew my admiration was different. It wasn't simple lust, either--and I took care to make sure none of the men from Gabor's gang so much as looked at her sideways--I knew somehow it had to be deeper, didn't it? That somehow I knew I wouldn't mind waking up next to her everyday, spending my days missing her presence, my nights worshipping her existence. 

If I'd said any of this to her, I was horribly sure she'd laugh in my face. And now she knew anyway, the result of a drunken decision and a physiological reflex. Night had not relieved our hindered conversation attempts, but I had other things to worry about. Dr. Chamberlain (how I resented his title) had found the Book of the Dead, and I was planning to....err.....borrow it. Yes, borrow it. I just wanted to take a quick peek, that's all. 

The Carnahan siblings were asleep, as was most of Gabor's people. Beni Gabor was another issue that irked me to no end, but I didn't have time for that either. It was incredibly easy to take the Book from Dr. Chamberlain's weak grasp, and I carried it quietly back to our little campsite. I took the key from my pocket and set it into the star, preparing to--

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," I heard from behind me. Evelyn apparently had not been asleep after all. "Mr. Professor resorts a life of crime."

"You're one to talk. Just be quiet, I'm going to give it back. Eventually."

I felt her come up behind me and kneel. She placed her hand lightly on my back for balance as she looked over my shoulder at the 3,000 year old words. "What is this thing, anyway?"

"It's the Book of the Dead." I turned the key, and the locks snapped open. Easy. 

"Err...Dead? I don't think this is the best place to be playing around with stuff like that."

"Don't you trust me?" The letters on the heavy pages gleamed in the light of the campfire, beckoning to be read, begging to be spoken. "It's not like it really means anything. They're just words."

"All right then, Mr. Scholar, what do they mean?"

I began to read, eyes drawn to a random passage rather forcefully. I couldn't hear myself speaking the words, but I knew I was, I could see my fingers tracing the line below them to keep my place, could feel the pressure from Evelyn's hand on my back grow as the wind got louder and the air got colder. I knew I was speaking the words and I couldn't stop. 

Suddenly we heard a piercing scream from deep within the caverns of Hamunaptra, accompanied by the shrieking of the doctor. I couldn't make out his words in the howling wind, but the screams from within the place chilled my entire body, save for the tiny handprint which connected me to Evelyn. Her hand linked to mine is really the only thing I remember of the next few minutes--locusts, scarabs, screaming, out of all of it I have plucked only her. She pulled me across the sand and into Hamunaptra, eventually pushing me to a relatively safe location as ravenous bugs flooded past us, though we were separated by the tide. We locked eyes as we caught our breath, the bugs still going past us in waves. As I fell backward--of all the times for a hidden trap door!--what I remember most is breaking eye contact as I went into darkness. 

I tumbled to the ground who knows how far below my starting point. My knee hurt terribly, probably jammed, which hindered my progress as I attempted to stand. My eyes adjusted slowly, catching the slight movement of something in my peripheral vision, was it--a woman? She stared at the wall in front of her as if reading it. 

"Excuse me, ma'am?" I tried as I staggered toward her, reaching out a hand. She did not react. As my fingers touched her shoulder I realized she was not wearing a brown cloak or anything of the sort, the juicy squish of spotted, decaying flesh was what met me instead. She whirled around, mismatched eyes glaring out of rotting sockets. I was frozen to the spot, my limbs taking on that dreamy heaviness that usually only afflicts one in nightmares. 

"Prince Imhotep?" she murmured, speaking faintly in ancient Egyptian. _Who uses ancient Egyptian as their language of choice?_ I thought, my thoughts strangely logical as I looked a walking, talking corpse in the eye. "Thank you for awakening me. Now we can be together...for all eternity..."

I still do not know exactly what a woman expects the reply to be when she starts spouting things like this, but luckily I didn't have to respond. The corpse's ear suddenly exploded with the impact of a whizzing bullet, sending her reeling backwards. "Come on!" I heard Evelyn yell, a split second before she grabbed hold of my arm and began to run. She dragged us out into the night again and face-first into the imposing stare of a dozen guns. 

~*~*~*~


	8. Fleeeeeeeeeee!

I wonder if Rick O'Connell is aware that he is the most stubborn man in the entire Goddamn world. Is it not common sense that when a terrible evil has risen (with your help, nonetheless) and the city is falling into ruins, that one would _flee_? Made sense to me!!!

Clearly, he didn't see it that way. I'd simply gone to his room to try and convince him to leave Cairo, and our civilized discussion had devolved into a yelling match. "We have to stay!" he said, gesturing in the air for effect. "We can stop this from happening!"

"It's pointless! You saw what that...that...that _thing_ can do!"

"It's not a thing, it...she's a person. _She_ can be defeated."

"But you might--..." I stopped myself short of voicing my real fear--that something might happen to Rick, and that I wouldn't be able to live with myself--not because it was my fault, but for reasons far deeper than I was willing to address at that juncture. "Look, buddy, you're my responsibility, and I don't want you to get killed."

"Oh, I'm your _responsibility_, huh?" he asked. "That's what I am to you?" I was amazed at how he didn't hide his hurt. I'd hurt him, and he didn't care that I knew. He _wanted_ me to know. "In the end, that's all I am to you."

"God!" Men always take everything so out of proportion. I didn't really say that to him...did I? "Why do you have to be so....aaagh!" I cried. "Look, you saved my life, and that's very nice of you and all, but I don't like being in people's debt. So I brought you to Hamunaptra, and I got you back. We're even now, you hear me? Don't expect me to clean up your mess!"

"I wasn't asking you to," he said, very softly, like he always did when his eyes were too caught up looking at me to pay attention to speech. "I'm sick of playing these games with you."

"Games?" I sputtered. Who did he think he was?! "What does that mean? All I'm trying to do here is be honest!"

"Fine!" He crossed his arms, waiting for something. "Go ahead. Be honest." 

This struck me pretty much dumb, as I hadn't even sorted through my own emotions in a coherent way, much less tidied them up for someone else. "About...what?"

"About whatever. Say whatever you want to say to me."

I thought about it for a long minute, not wanting to sound stupid. It never occurred to me not to tell the truth. "It was really stupid of you to read from that book. We're probably all going to die because of you."

"Agreed," he said. I hadn't expected that response. "What else?" Then he gave me that look....grrrr. Damn him. 

"Well, I... I'd really rather you didn't die."

"You said that already. Responsibility."

"No, I... That's not it. Hell, I'd rather not die, either. And I...it's just that...if we were to, you know, live through this..." He didn't say anything. He just waited for me to get through it. I really wished he'd say something, anything, so I didn't have to embarrass myself any further. "Err..." I continued, my eloquence unsurpassed. "This is going to sound really silly, being in the middle of this huge catastrophe and all, but... It's probably just a stupid physical attraction, one of a million, right? You're not even my type. And I'm not yours, either. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. We'd drive each other up a wall. And the crazy thing is, I tell myself these things, and I'm not listening. I don't want to listen! I...I want...I don't know what I want."

He smiled, and despite all my protestations of him not being my type, my knees weakened...just a little bit. "I do. I know exactly what I want. First of all, yeah, I don't want to die, a man's got to have his priorities. But also..."

He gave me that look, with those _eyes_. So I kissed him. I couldn't help it. He was a professor from a little town in Ireland. He wore reading glasses, tripped over himself every ten steps he took, and couldn't hold his liquor--not my type, not at all. Not that I'm the type for mushy-gushy romance in any circumstance... And yet, kissing Rick O'Connell made my senses spin upside down, go out the window, and down the block for a stroll. 

So when it started to rain fire and brimstone about ten seconds later (hello plagues!), you can see why I was so upset at the interruption. 

~*~*~*~

Review please:):):)


	9. Migration of Frogs

I was beginning to think that Fate was against me. 

What other explanation could there have been? Fate was determined to screw up my pathetic attempts at finding love. First it set me up to fall for a woman I couldn't have, gave a me a chance which I ruined, then gave me another which I ruined (although indirectly) even worse. Funny thing about flaming hailstones and the mass migration of frogs. They always show up when you least expect them. 

After our little failed romantic interlude, I got Jonathan to drive us to the Museum of Antiquities, hoping my old mentor Dr. Bey was still around. He'd never really liked me (I suppose "put up with me for the sake of my parents" would be a more apt description) but he was the only person in Egypt who I knew would have some sort of answer to our little dilemma. And indeed he did, or thought he did. His tattooed friend seemed to have a pretty good idea, too. Introduced only as Ardina Bey, I assumed her to be a cousin of some sort. The Amazons had nothing on her--built scarily powerfully and swathed all in black, I was reasonably sure she could kill me with a flick of her wrist. She hadn't said anything to me, but it was clear she thought I'd destroyed the world. 

Well...it wasn't destroyed _yet_. We had a bit of time. 

"We have _no_ time!" cried Dr. Bey. "Who knows how soon the Creature will regenerate! You have doomed us all!"

Um, overstatement? "Am I the only one trying to be optimistic here? What about the Golden Book? Don't you think the ancient Egyptians thought of this? There has to be some sort of reversal spell--"

"What does it--" Evelyn interrupted, "err, _she_, want, anyway?"

"Um. She said something about... Uh, she called me Prince...Imhotep, I think, wasn't he--"

Dr. Bey gasped in horror. "That's it! Anck-su-namun was cursed because of her love for Imhotep. That's what she's doing in Cairo. She wants to resurrect her lover."

"Uh....how exactly will she do that?"

Dr. Bey looked at me blankly. "Well, human sacrifice, of course. Standard practice. Luckily for us, she's chosen you!"

"Yes, luckily," I said weakly. This was getting better and better. 

Evelyn was more blunt. "She can't do that! Can she? She can't!" Evelyn looked at me, and I read so many things in her eyes. Fury, indignation, shelter...love. "I won't let her," she whispered, and I believed. 

A drawl from behind us contradicted her. "I don't think you have a choice, darlin'." Beni Gabor stood in the doorway. "My mistress is pretty intent on what she's after. And that includes your boyfriend."

The Evelyn of a few hours ago would have protested this comment, but she didn't say anything. Instead I felt her hand take mine, hold it tightly as we watched a figure enter the room after Beni. The woman was tall and stately, beautiful (quite an improvement over the state we had found her body in) and possessed of an awful grace. Her mouth twisted into a smile, but it held no joy--only shades of pain, which almost made me feel sorry for her. Until she started to speak, that is. 

"Follow me, my prince," she said in her ancient language. "It is time--"

"No!" cried Evelyn. "You think you can just walk in here and tell someone it's time to go get sacrificed? You can't--"

Anck-su-namun raised a hand and Evelyn was suddenly ripped from my grasp. Her body flew backward, striking a chariot display on the opposite side of the room. She fell to the floor and didn't move. Anck-su-namun muttered something under her breath, and Evelyn was suddenly hanging in the air again, struggling to breathe, choking. She was dying.

"Come with me," I heard in ancient Egyptian, "and she lives."

Anck-su-namun walked to the doorway, waiting for me to follow. I did. It wasn't an impulse, it wasn't a decision, I just went. If I didn't, the woman I loved was going to die, and I was more than willing to trade my life for hers. I couldn't look back, but I heard a crash as we exited the room that I could only pray to God was Evelyn coming to earth. 

~*~*~*~

Heh. It was only fair, you see, if we were going for a complete role reversal...;)


	10. Name Calling

All throughout this particular story I kept writing whole chunks in present tense, realizing it, and having to go back and change all the tenses, so I apologize for any that I didn't catch:)

~*~*~*~

That _bitch_. 

I'm not one for name-calling (though I've been called a few things in my time), but honestly! Who the Hell did that bitch think she was? You don't just waltz in and kidnap someone, expecting him to be grateful that he gets to go be sacrificed. No way was I letting that bitch just steal Rick away like--

Jesus. What was that? Jealousy? Was I jealous of the mummy bitch who had stolen my boyfriend? I knew I could retrieve him--that bitch wasn't all that tough; unless he was dead already--in which case I was feeling a rather disturbing suicidal urge myself. Nor did I want him out of a sense of duty or responsibility. 

I wanted him to tell me more stories about Egypt, I wanted to know what his favorite food was, I wanted to kiss him everyday for the rest of my life. I loved him, and in his absence I was more ready to admit that. 

Lucky for us, my old pal Winston was willing to help our quest along by offering his flying skills. Jon and Ardina (a likable enough woman if a bit standoffish) had a worse time on the flight than I did, but eventually we all got ourselves there safe and sound. I count Winston in this tally, God rest his soul, because I've never met a man with as fervent a death wish. His was going to be the last death that day, I would make sure of it. Except for Anck-su-namun.

And...okay, maybe Beni. I wouldn't have said no to killing Beni, either, or at least maiming him. 

Ardina was silent on the walk from the downed plane to Hamunaptra, but Jonathan wanted to talk. "You okay?" he asked me. "Your throat okay?"

"I'm fine."

My brother paused, then took my hand. "Don't you worry. We'll get him back."

"Yeah."

Jonathan nodded solemnly, as grave as I'd ever seen him. "He's my best friend, you know, like a brother... He's gotten me out of more trouble than even _you_ can imagine." He shook it off, putting a smile on his face for the good of the mission. "Like I said, we'll get him back."

"We'd sure as hell better," I said, then, before I could stop myself, added: "I love him."

Jon did a double-take, started to say something, then stopped. "Oh. When did _that_ happen?"

"Somewhere between prison and the plague of frogs. Are you okay with that?"

"Err, have you two...discussed this?"

"Briefly. Damn frogs."

He was silent for a moment, but then couldn't help jumping in. "O'Connell? Are you sure? I mean, you two aren't exactly a match made in heaven."

"Haven't you ever heard of opposites attracting?"

"It's just that he's so..." Words apparently would not suffice. "And you're so..."

"What? I'm not smart enough for him or something?"

He smiled and chucked me under the chin rather than answering. "I just don't want you to get your heart broken."

"Thanks for championing my insecurities. That really helps."

"Hey. Don't put yourself down. _Nobody_ deserves my little sister. He'd be damn lucky to have you, is all."

He meant it, so I couldn't hit him. "Thanks, Jonathan."

"So he...feels the same way?"

"He'd sure as hell better."

"Oh," Jon said again, squeezing my hand. "Then let's make sure he hears it, shall we?"

All conversation halted as we approached Hamunaptra. Ardina seemed to know an awful lot about the layout of this place, and she was able to find us a way in without any trouble. 

Trouble abounded, however, as soon as we found the statue of Horus, where Rick had insisted the Book of Amun-Ra must be hidden. I took my anger out on the mummy priests in the meantime. Picturing Beni's face on them was more than enough to make me want to blow them to bits. 


	11. Pleasant Dream

__

* "Darn it, darn it all!" ~The Problem

I'd been having a rather pleasant dream (and no, I'm not going to tell you about it) so to wake up to the squeaks of a rat and smell of decaying flesh was a bit of a shock. Beside me was what I could only assume was Anck-su-namun's mummified boyfriend, and my hands and feet were shackled to what unfortunately appeared to a sacrificial altar. Darn my luck. 

Anck-su-namun appeared then, restored to full power and looking like she was loving it. She shouted some gobbledygook (hey, I was about to sacrificed, I wasn't thinking about translation!) and raised a knife over me, preparing to...

At that moment I heard Jonathan's voice, shouting that he'd found the Book of Amun-Ra. I put aside my professional jealousy (why did _I_ have to be the one tied to the table?) and yelled back, "Who cares?! Just get me off of here!"

Okay, so I wasn't really thinking about archaeological discoveries right then, either. Luckily, Anck-su-namun was sufficiently interested in the Book of Amun-Ra to abandon me and go after Jonathan. Evelyn appeared soon after wielding a very heavy sword (it was a wonder she could lift it), freeing me from the sacrificial table. 

"Thanks," I muttered, but she wasn't paying attention. 

"Thank me later," Evelyn said, and proceeded to chop a mummy's head off. 

Be still my heart. 

Anyway, Evelyn was rather busy with the legion of soldier-like mummies, as was Ardina. I spotted her in a corner of the tomb, slashing at various undead things. She, too, seemed to be doing all right by herself, so I didn't feel the need to rush over and defend her. 

"Hey," I said to Jonathan, "how did you all get past the mummies to get the book? Shouldn't Ardina have sacrificed herself to save the rest of you, or something?"

"Of course not!" cried Ardina as she stabbed at a mummy. "Honestly, what good would that do? That's such a male perspective!"

I would have defended my gender, but my attention was drawn back to the Evelyn. Anck-su-namun had noticed her by now and decided that a death-match was in order. Evelyn could defend herself but Anck-su-namun looked as though she were driven by pure rage at this point. 

"We have to help her!" I cried to Jonathan, seizing the Book from him. "What do we say?"

"You're asking me?" Jonathan shrieked. "I haven't spoken ancient Egyptian since the sixth grade!"

I scanned the pages frantically, certain I wouldn't recognize the passage if it jumped off the page and smacked me in the nose. But suddenly there it was, crisp and clear, and I looked up in time to see Evelyn thrown across the room again. 

"Kadeesh mal kadeesh mal!" I yelled. "Parad oos parad oos!"

Anck-su-namun's mouth fell open in shock, and she called me something very unflattering. Then a blue light enveloped her and she stumbled, plunging headfirst into a gooey pool of muck. We could hear her screams long after the blackness had swallowed her. 

Before anybody moved, a rumbling nearly knocked us to our feet again. "Let's go!" said Evelyn, miraculously on her feet again. "Hurry up!"

The four of us followed instructions, sprinting as fast as one can on sand, out of the tomb and into the sunlight, escaping the reaches of the compound just as it came crashing to earth. We watched the sand show for a while, until Ardina cleared her throat. 

"Thank you," she said to us, then snapped her fingers, drawing an obedient camel to her side. "I guess I'll see you." She scaled the camel, clucked her tongue, and rode off into the horizon. 

"Err...right," said Jonathan. "Just leaving us in the middle of bloody nowhere!!! Perfect!!!"

Evelyn looked to me, waiting for something. This was it! This was my moment! I opened my mouth to speak... "So......thanks, then."

Evelyn looked as though this had struck her speechless, but she recovered soon enough. "Right," she said, and swung herself up onto a camel. "Let's go."

Jonathan and I chose camels and followed his sister into the desert. Evelyn stayed ahead of us, which gave me plenty of opportunity to rehearse speeches in my head. Speeches about what, you ask?

I loved her. That was pretty much the gist. I just couldn't get my voice to coincide with the words in my heart and head. 


	12. Fin

*_ "I just don't want to jump unless there's someone to catch me." * "I'll catch you... And if I happen to miss, I'll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health." ~Tenth Kingdom_

We were a sullen bunch as we rode into Cairo. I was so exhausted I would have fallen off the camel if I wasn't practically tied to it. It didn't help that O'Connell said hardly anything the entire journey. 

Jonathan said he would take care of the camels--he knew a place to board them--but probably he was just going to go sell them. It wasn't like we didn't have money up to the ears with the treasure. Beni was good for something after all, I guess. 

This left me and O'Connell alone. We looked at one another awkwardly for a minute, not sure what to say. He ended up beginning the conversation: "I guess this is where we part ways, then."

That stopped me dead in my tracks. I hadn't considered that he wouldn't feel the same way. He'd _told_ me he did, hadn't he?... But he hadn't, actually, as far as I could remember. He hadn't said anything of the sort. He'd listened while _I_ blathered on, and then _I'd_ kissed _him_. 

"Except..." Rick continued, and I realized I'd been standing there, silent, for who knows how long. "I mean, it's just that..."

I waited, this time, I waited for him to say whatever he wanted to say to me. I'd said my piece earlier; I'd tossed my heart out into the ring, and it was up to him to either trample it or match it with his own. 

Rick grew increasingly nervous as I remained mute. "Err," he said, "you said it yourself--who would have thought, the two of us, right? Everyone will say it will never work."

My heart sank like a lead weight. This was not going well. 

He must have interpreted the look on my face and decided to go with a different tactic. "No, no, that's not what I mean. You and I are the only people's opinions that matter here. And since you don't seem to be sharing yours at the moment, I guess I'll go right ahead."

It took all of my strength to nod, though my throat was closed so tightly I couldn't have spoken if I wanted to. Rick took my hand, and my heart pounded so violently I was sure he could see me shaking. "The thing is," he continued, "there's some things I've wanted to say to you, for a long time, since, well, a while. I'm not being very eloquent with this, but the thing is, Evelyn... You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, you're so incredibly brave and just..._alive_, and I... And the thing is, I realized at some point yesterday that I would give up anything for you. I would do...anything. Every time I look at you I realize...that I love you."

It was not my intention, surely, to remain silent after hearing the most romantic, true declaration of love I'm ever likely to hear in my life, but the rush of tears blocking my airway made it completely impossible to speak. He looked stricken after a few moments of my simply standing there, so I settled instead for throwing my arms around his neck and clinging for dear life. That way, at least, he couldn't run away before I regained the ability to speak. 

"Evelyn?" he said after a moment. "Are you all right?"

"I love you," I somehow whispered, and he asked me to marry him just like that. I've never made an easier decision in my life. 

We're on the water, sailing for Great Britain across the channel. One week from Friday we will be married, in front of a bunch of people I've never met, who will, Rick says, adore me, he is sure. I think this means I will make some enemies, but other people aren't what I'm thinking about right now. The only one that matters to me is right here, and his name is Rick O'Connell. 

~*~*~*~

Fin! Merci to all :):):)


End file.
